This is a letter I wrote in July 2015 that I carried in my wallet and had planned to share with my potential significant other, whenever the time came that he wanted to up the ante.
July 17, 2015
Dear potential significant other,
You're reading this probably because you want to take our relationship to the "next-level", become Facebook official or whatever the kids call it these days. I don't know how long we've been dating or hanging out but do you even really know what you are getting yourself into? I'm surprised you even made it this far quite frankly.
I feel compelled to write this because I became an adult a little over a month ago and I'm off to college in less than a month! Being an adult comes with a lot of responsibility and requires a great amount of maturity. Right now, I still feel like a kid. I don't know what I want out of life or love or a man. I feel like I should know but I don't.
I do know that I want a man that is mature and passionate. Those are my top two's. Not that we can't goof around and be stupid but he has to be mature, considerate and responsible with his decisions. Passion is something I value greatly. Whether you are selling insurance over the phone or running a multi-billion dollar company, you should be passionate about what you do. You should love life and attack it, not be a passive bystander. Love what you do or don't do it at all. He should also be empathetic. Empathy truly makes the world go round. Are you these things? Well. keep reading if you are.
I don't like it when guys are out of touch with their feelings and cannot honestly and accurately convey their emotions. Communication is one of the biggest keys to success. I strongly dislike guys that are possessive and jealous; it reveals a deeper level of insecurity. If you can't trust me, we have no business being in a relationship together. Are you any of these things? If so, you should probably just stop pursing me now.
Wow okay if you've made it this far-good job! We have potential. :) But there are some things you really need to know about me before you commit to me.
I can be flighty. My emotions can turn a lot. I'll be on top of the world one day and feel absolutely down in the dumps the next. If at the end of the day you are still there for me and still care about me, you will know how I feel about you.
I'm a journalist as you know. I appreciate its straight-forward no-BS style because that's what I'm like. I'll tell you how I'm feeling 100% honestly and I hope you will respond to that and act upon it when necessary. I'm not going to agonize over every little thing and constantly wonder about you. I expect you to tell me how you're truly feeling because, as I said, COMMUNICATION IS KEY!
I'm also a social creature, as most humans are. I thrive in social environments and love knowing everyone. If I want to hang out with someone-boy or girl-over you one day, don't mistake this as infidelity. I need constant and varied stimulation. I crave change and new environments. Please don't assume I'm bored of you or have lost interest in our relationship. I've learned to be an independent girl who needs freedom and I hope you understand and respect that.
I don't know how far after I write this will you read it but if you want to understand how I'm feeling right now, read the short story "Where Are You Going? Where Have You Been?" by Joyce Carol Oats then listen to "It's All Over Now Baby Blue" by Bob Dylan. Go. Do it. Right Now. Don't skip it! This is important.
Ok great. I do hope you understood it, but if not, I'll summarize and articulate how I feel here. I'm torn between adulthood and adolescence. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want a stable long-term relationship or to date around and just have fun. Frankly, as you're reading this, I probably still won't know.
I'm not an easy girl to love but I am a girl worth loving. I'll give you my undying love and affection but we have to work to get there. #GrindNowShineLater
We'll get into fights. I know it. It's natural. I can be stubborn. No matter what I say, I care about you and I want it to work. I will put in the effort so long as you do too. It does take two to tango after all.
So you've made it to the end. Now I think it's important to understand what I wrote and take some time to think about what you want and if I'm the best girl that will fulfill that. Please, think about it. I would rather you turn me down now than for us to suffer heartbreak after a bad relationship.
Thanks for reading. :) Talk to you soon.
<3 Ashley Yong